i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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