God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
