Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
