You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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