i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
