I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
