Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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