oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
