my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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