im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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