Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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