Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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