I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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