dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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