Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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