shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
