Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
