so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
