This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
