I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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