After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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