One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
