you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
