ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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