I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
