sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
