Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i came on her dog
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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