Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
