Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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