I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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