dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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