seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
