I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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