I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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