me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
