u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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