summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
