We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
