Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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