I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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