quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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