I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
