what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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