His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
