Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
