Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize