he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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