Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am available for nakedness
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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