My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
