gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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