i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
