I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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