chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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