He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i came on her dog
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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