I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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