Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
